August 16, 2014, Patrick Hall

Many people claim to have the right religion; they claim they know they have the right religion, and that only they do. They're wrong, because I know only I have the right religion. It's called Threeism, the belief that the number Three is the answer. Anyone who's not a Threeist is an Athreeist, and they will be sent to the eternal Math Camp when they die, if they don't repent and acknowledge the power and authority of the number Three.

How do we define life? What is its purpose? It's quite simple. Find a partner and have a child; one plus one equals Three. So the answer to life is Three, so therefore, this deity is clearly the correct one. Three has THREE great qualities— omnipotence, omniscience, and omnipresence. I can even prove the last one. What are you thinking right now? Does it include the number Three? Yeah? See, It exists wherever you are, because It is humankind's one true god. I can also prove Three has omniscience, because Three is the answer to every question. As for omnipotence, have you not noticed how one plus one always equals Three? That's because Three is so powerful It becomes the answer.

Yes, the number Three truly is good, loving, and the definition of morality. You need the religion of Threeism to be moral; if you don't believe in and worship the number Three, you are a bad person. Athreeism, the lack of belief in Three (or so they say, but we all know unbelievers actually do believe, but they are mad at the number Three), leads to higher or lower numbers, which are sinful. When Threeists die, they will go to Recess, whereas Athreeists will be sent to Math Camp, to learn that the answer always is the number Three. At Math Camp, they will be tortured with boring stuff and they'll regret their life of sin without the number Three.

Let me tell you the Creation Story. In the beginning, there was One and One—Time and Space. When Time and Space fell in love and mated, Space gave birth to Three, which is our universe—a place that possesses the qualities of both Time and Space, embodied in a vacuum. So the answer is Three; you must see this, because it is perfectly logical, as opposed to the belief that the universe was created by a big man with a white beard or some kind explosion so that nothing was created from nothing. Everything must have a cause, and our world's cause is the number Three. The number Three's cause is One and One, also called Time and Space. So you see, Threeism has ALL the answers, whereas other religions don't have a cause for their gods and science doesn't have a cause for the Big Bang. And there's more than enough evidence to support the fact that Three is the answer. In fact, it takes more faith to NOT believe the number Three is the answer to every question than it takes to believe It is.

But when the number Three created the Earth exactly as it was three hundred thirty-three years ago, with all the animals, plants, and humans, humankind betrayed the number Three by creating unnatural numbers, like four or seven. These sinful numbers were the downfall of humankind, and we now live in sin, which we inherit. But the number Three had a plan to save us from the sinful life of not worshipping It. Three impregnated three women, and the three women gave birth to one child, together. This child was Three to the Power of Three, and It is Three, but It is also Three's child. In nineteen thirty-three, TPT as Three's son is called, revealed itself to humankind and showed us the miracle of how one plus one always becomes Three. But mathematicians, the most evil humans to have ever lived, erased TPT from the blackboard.

Everyone who accepts the number Three will have their sin erased from the blackboard, too. For it is so the number Three has made it. The one true religion is Threeism. Athreeism, a religion that lacks the belief in Three, is false and will lead to Math Camp. Humankind lives in sin, so we must repent before it is too late. One plus one equals Three. That's how it's always been and always will be. Anyone who opens their eyes to the Lord, the number Three, will see its power! For the number Three is truly great, and believers will be with Three in Recess.